Blog
Eulogy for My Son
Conner Patrick Luby
10/25/88 - 9/12/09
Let me share with you what I believe. I believe that everyone has a purpose in life. Death is a tragedy only when that purpose goes unfulfilled. Some of us may know what our purpose is but, I suspect, that most of us don’t..not for sure. One’s purpose only becomes clear as time goes by and even then, may only truly become clear through the shadow of death and, even then, not to ourselves but to those who survive us.
Conner certainly had a purpose. I believe that his purpose was to bring joy to others. His purpose was to make others laugh, to be there when friends needed him. His purpose was to live his life to the fullest and the loudest and to touch as many lives as he could. He pursued this purpose by being outrageous, loving, annoying, considerate, frustrating, funny, compassionate and, in almost all things, completely inappropriate. He just had a good heart.
Reluctantly I have to believe that he succeeded in fulfilling his purpose. My belief is reluctant because it was for such a short period of time and ended so swiftly and so unexpectedly. The tough thing for us, those of left behind, is to wonder why his purpose couldn’t have been more. Why, rather than being here for less than 21 years, his purpose couldn’t have been to be here for 30 or 40 years or more and spread joy.
As his father, I selfishly wanted his purpose to be to live much longer, to let me see him fall in love…the way I fell in love with his mother. To let me see him get married and celebrate 25 amazing years…just as Jane and I have. To let me see him become a father – to hold a newborn child – my grand child, in his hands and realize that he had just helped create a new life. To let me see him stumble and bumble and make mistakes with his kids…just like I did. To let him experience so many of the joys and frustrations that I have had the great fortune to experience with Conner and Moira. And trust me, I wouldn’t trade a single one of those joys or frustrations.
I wanted his purpose to be to let me help him become the man, the husband, the father that I always wanted him to be. Unfortunately, that is not to be and I reluctantly have to accept that his purpose, his true purpose in life, is something other than what I wanted for him.
Over the last several days, I heard so many stories, have seen so many tears, and have felt so much love that I truly, truly believe that Conner fulfilled his purpose. So this is not a tragedy despite the pain I feel in my heart. This is not a tragedy because Conner did bring joy, he was there when his friends needed him…and he had a lot of friends. He did live life to the fullest and the loudest, albeit for a very, very short time.
On behalf of my wife Jane, I want to thank you for all of your love and support. The amount of time and effort that you, our friends and family, have given to us, has been remarkable. I don’t know how, and even whether, we would have made it through without you.
On behalf of Moira, who is experiencing something that no 16 year old should ever have to experience, I want to thank you. Her friends have come to her side and have been so supportive – thank you Leanna, Natalie, Calvin, Sara, Cassie, Sadie and everyone else who has been there for her.
I also want to note something that has become amazing clear in the last couple of days. That is that Conner was not Moira’s only sibling. Megan Mac you could not be more of a sister to her, or a daughter to us, than you are. Thank you.
Of her brothers, I want to mention just a few…Jon, Jeff, Alex, Marcus, Logan, Big Mike, Jason....you have big shoes to fill but I know you will. And I want to remind you of one of the biggest obligations that big brothers have…to beat the crap out of anyone who breaks their little sister’s heart.
I believe that I am right, that Conner has fulfilled the purpose for which he was placed in this world. While I wish he could have had more, while I with that I could have had more, I am grateful for the time we had with him and I will always, always love him.
I have 2 favors to ask of each of you. First, if you have any stories about, or photos of, Conner, please share them with us…at least those that aren’t too wildly inappropriate.
Secondly, and more importantly, for Conner sake and in Conner’s memory, live a wonderful life. Let Conner’s life and love shine through you. Live a wonderful life. He did.
10/25/88 - 9/12/09
Let me share with you what I believe. I believe that everyone has a purpose in life. Death is a tragedy only when that purpose goes unfulfilled. Some of us may know what our purpose is but, I suspect, that most of us don’t..not for sure. One’s purpose only becomes clear as time goes by and even then, may only truly become clear through the shadow of death and, even then, not to ourselves but to those who survive us.
Conner certainly had a purpose. I believe that his purpose was to bring joy to others. His purpose was to make others laugh, to be there when friends needed him. His purpose was to live his life to the fullest and the loudest and to touch as many lives as he could. He pursued this purpose by being outrageous, loving, annoying, considerate, frustrating, funny, compassionate and, in almost all things, completely inappropriate. He just had a good heart.
Reluctantly I have to believe that he succeeded in fulfilling his purpose. My belief is reluctant because it was for such a short period of time and ended so swiftly and so unexpectedly. The tough thing for us, those of left behind, is to wonder why his purpose couldn’t have been more. Why, rather than being here for less than 21 years, his purpose couldn’t have been to be here for 30 or 40 years or more and spread joy.
As his father, I selfishly wanted his purpose to be to live much longer, to let me see him fall in love…the way I fell in love with his mother. To let me see him get married and celebrate 25 amazing years…just as Jane and I have. To let me see him become a father – to hold a newborn child – my grand child, in his hands and realize that he had just helped create a new life. To let me see him stumble and bumble and make mistakes with his kids…just like I did. To let him experience so many of the joys and frustrations that I have had the great fortune to experience with Conner and Moira. And trust me, I wouldn’t trade a single one of those joys or frustrations.
I wanted his purpose to be to let me help him become the man, the husband, the father that I always wanted him to be. Unfortunately, that is not to be and I reluctantly have to accept that his purpose, his true purpose in life, is something other than what I wanted for him.
Over the last several days, I heard so many stories, have seen so many tears, and have felt so much love that I truly, truly believe that Conner fulfilled his purpose. So this is not a tragedy despite the pain I feel in my heart. This is not a tragedy because Conner did bring joy, he was there when his friends needed him…and he had a lot of friends. He did live life to the fullest and the loudest, albeit for a very, very short time.
On behalf of my wife Jane, I want to thank you for all of your love and support. The amount of time and effort that you, our friends and family, have given to us, has been remarkable. I don’t know how, and even whether, we would have made it through without you.
On behalf of Moira, who is experiencing something that no 16 year old should ever have to experience, I want to thank you. Her friends have come to her side and have been so supportive – thank you Leanna, Natalie, Calvin, Sara, Cassie, Sadie and everyone else who has been there for her.
I also want to note something that has become amazing clear in the last couple of days. That is that Conner was not Moira’s only sibling. Megan Mac you could not be more of a sister to her, or a daughter to us, than you are. Thank you.
Of her brothers, I want to mention just a few…Jon, Jeff, Alex, Marcus, Logan, Big Mike, Jason....you have big shoes to fill but I know you will. And I want to remind you of one of the biggest obligations that big brothers have…to beat the crap out of anyone who breaks their little sister’s heart.
I believe that I am right, that Conner has fulfilled the purpose for which he was placed in this world. While I wish he could have had more, while I with that I could have had more, I am grateful for the time we had with him and I will always, always love him.
I have 2 favors to ask of each of you. First, if you have any stories about, or photos of, Conner, please share them with us…at least those that aren’t too wildly inappropriate.
Secondly, and more importantly, for Conner sake and in Conner’s memory, live a wonderful life. Let Conner’s life and love shine through you. Live a wonderful life. He did.